Growing up, I knew what it was like to be different, to not fit in and be the black sheep of the family.
I was the only dark-skinned girl in my all-white family and community, brought up by my maternal Grandparents after my biological mother gave me up for adoption at the age of 2. Not knowing my biological father, a big question mark over my ethnicity, and living in a family that puzzled me, I found myself constantly seeking to find out who I really was inside, questioning everything that made me fit into a box that didn’t make any sense and therefore always found myself on the outside, on the fringes, looking in.
When menarche hit followed by my journey into womanhood, navigating my reproductive self, led me down an unhealthy and unbalanced path with my body, my sexual power, and motherhood, that left me confused and disempowered, feeling used and abused, full of shame and guilt.
My healing journey began with a pregnancy, and so full of fear of saying yes to motherhood in case I too abandoned my own child, I said no instead and chose to terminate and this decision would break me in two, as not long afterwards I developed PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) a very severe form of PMS, where you completely lose your mind for 10-14days of your cycle. This healing physical, emotional and psychological crisis, would lead me home back into my body to heal myself naturally, and subsequently open me to the depth of who I was through the shamanic path.