hiding from yourself

Hiding from yourself has become second nature. It has become one of your default states. Yet have you stopped to wonder who exactly it is you’re hiding from?

Are you hiding from yourself or from others?

What are you hiding from yourself or from others?

What are you scared of seeing, or being seen within you?

Do you fear being rejected, ridiculed, abandoned, shamed and blamed?

As women we have been conditioned to hide as a form of protection, to stay safe. We have been conditioned to hide our emotions, our gifts, our desires, our shine.

We have been conditioned to hide all that we are so we can don the masks given to us and forced to wear.

We have been conditioned to hide our curves, our looks, our quirks, and our blood, to hide the very nature of our feminine soul.

We have been conditioned to hide our voices, our opinions, our power and our strength, so we do not offend, disgrace, disempower, embarrass and overrule.

We have been conditioned to hide so we could be colonised, abused, neglected, and oppressed.

We have been forced to hide through our shame and our guilt.

And now here we are.

Owning our blood, our power and our gifts. Facing our shame and owning our guilt. Standing strong, reclaiming our voices, feeling our emotions, and expressing our needs and desires. Igniting the fire of the feminine once again.

Yet, there is still a part of us who wants to hide. Doesn’t want to be seen. Doesn’t want to rise and shine her sovereign queen. For if we do, our life will surely fall apart.

We will have to face the lies we’ve been telling ourselves and in doing so we run the risk of unravelling to the point of no return. We will be forced to change some aspect of self which is just too comfortable and that would be unsettling. It will push us deeper into the unknown and haven’t we been there enough already? The unknown is scary, full of rife.

So we hide, hanging on, to the last thread of our carefully constructed life. The illusion of our very being. To stay safe. To stay comfortable. To stay in control.

Hiding from yourself takes time, it takes energy. Time and energy which could be used to bring more joy, love and laughter into your life if only you didn’t have to hide?

Hiding from yourself is suffering and affects your self-worth. Knocks your confidence. Shatters your dreams. Disrespects your boundaries. Hiding from yourself keeps you from shining your true light.

So what exactly is it you’re hiding from? What do you not want to see, nor own? Would it really be too harrowing, too nerve-wracking to step out and explore how it would feel to simply BE?

With Love, Nicola x

Artist Credit – Sabine Christina Fritsch – ‘All Her Secrets’ Series